The Adventures of Red, Game Red, and Ash: Part 3 1
by Loveon
Summary: Just as Red and Ash are about to get married, Game Red interrupts their wedding to inform them of one last mission. One that will span the entire world, and worlds beyond...


_Author's Notes_: See, look at what happens when I play Solitare, lose my internet connection, play some more Solitare, and then start writing. I wonder what I'd write like if I was actually drunk. Because according to my mom and stepdad, I'm a hilarious laughing drunk. And I barely remember any of it. But I digress.

Spoilers for Pokemon Adventures (for the Black/White arc), I guess. Though I'm not sure if everyone knew it already or not, but I just thought I'd warn you. If you don't care about that, then just go and read. If you do care, still go and read it.

Completely random references will be mentioned at the end of it.

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><p><strong>The Adventures of Red, Game Red, and Ash - Part 3.1<strong>

The wedding bells chimed to the opening song of Pokémon Red/Green/Blue/Those Old Games. Inside a wedding chapel that had mysteriously appeared in an undisclosed location, two people stood, holding each other's hands as they gazed at the other's face.

"Do you, Red, take Ash Ketchum to be your awfully - what, it's lawfully? Oh, screw you. Do you take him to be your husband?"

Red sniffed dramatically. "I do!"

"And do you, Ash Ketchum, take Red to be your awfully - YOU KNOW WHAT, SHUT UP. Ahem. Take him to be your wife?"

Ash nodded, his eyes sparkling with that awesome shoujo manga sparkle, yo. "I do!"

"Okaaaaay. Um, if anyone has any objections to this two getting married, speak now or forever hold your piece!… What, it's peace? It's pronounced the same, damn it! Get out of here, I don't need you to be my backseat driver! GET OUT!… Ahem. Anyone? Anyone objecting?"

The doors to the chapel suddenly burst open, sunlight pouring down the red carpet. A boy stepped in. "OBJECTION!"

Red gasped, turning away from Ash, his white wedding dress swishing across the floor. "It's…?"

"Game Red?" Ash finished, looking as equally shocked at Red.

"You're wrong!" Game Red shouted. "I'm not Game Red… I'm _Gay_ Red!"

"I give up," said Unnamed Priest Wedding Person Who Shall Remained Unnamed Because It's Awesome. "I'm leaving for a lunch break."

"Game Red, what're you doing here?"

"I had to find you…" Game Red said, walking down the aisle and getting stares from the unnamed people who sat there.

"What? Why?"

"We have one final mission before the two of you get married and destroy the space-time continuum!" Red declared. Everyone gasped and whispered among each other.

"What? What's the mission?"

"I'll tell you in a bit. But first… we're gonna need to get some supplies."

And so they headed to Home Depot.

Back in his usual, unchanging clothes that smelt vaguely of… never mind. Red stood there, looking at the aisles and aisles of home related items. Why were they here? What was their final mission?

"I'll get the supplies. Ash, you help me. Red, you just stand there and look like a good bishounen."

Red saluted, watching as Ash and Game Red walked off to get whatever supplies they needed. What were they doing? Building a house? A house sounded nice, but Red already had his own home…

Ignoring Game Red's orders, Red began wandering around, looking at all of the supplies. Hammers, screwdrivers, wood, paint… lots of things here. Red happened to come across a shelf of glue. Ahh, glue… good memories of when he was a kid, using glue to stick things together.

"What's this?" Red took off one of the tubes there. "…Extra-Strong Glue? Ooh…"

He took off the cap of the glue, not paying heed to the fact that he didn't pay for it, or that right underneath the title of the glue it said, "The World's Strongest Super Glue!"

Red squirted it onto his hand. He sniffed it. Didn't smell like that normal glue smell… Maybe if he put more on his hand…

Soon enough, he squeezed the entire tube of glue onto his hand. He could feel it… HE COULD FEEL THE POWER! THE POWER FROM WITHIN! IT WAS ALMIGHTY! IT WAS-

"Red?"

Red gasped, bringing down his outstretched glue covered hand. Oh, no! If someone saw that he was using glue without paying for it, he might get put in jail! Not paying for things was serious business here in Kanto, yo…

"We finished getting all the stuff," Game Red said, holding up the bag as proof.

"Oh, okay!" Red spun around to face them. "Then let's go!… What're you two staring at?"

Game Red and Ash's eyes were directed at, of all places, Red's crotch. Oh, god. Not now! Why did it have to be now?

Red looked down unsurely. His own hand was right on his crotch. He pulled it. It stayed where it was.

…Ohhh, no.

He glanced at the starving, dehydrated tube of glue in his hand. His eyes picked up all the tiny details on the glue tube - DO NOT APPLY TO SKIN, DO NOT INGEST, DO NOT GIVE TO CHILDREN, WORLD'S STRONGEST _SUPER GLUE!_

…Well. This was awkward.

"…Anyways," Game Red began slowly, his eyes clearly still on Red's unfortunately placed hand. "…I've got the tools, so let's get going."

Red tossed aside the empty tube and walked out of Home Depot with his hand still on his crotch. Needless to say, people stared.

And waiting outside for them was a funky looking green alien.

"OMGKILLITWITHFIRE!"

"Red, relax!" Game Red kicked Red to the ground, where Red landed on his arm and was sadly unable to move it out. For obvious reasons. "This… is the Celebi that we saved! Remember? From our first mission?"

"What? Did you specifically hire it to go back in time so I wouldn't put my hand on my crotch?"

"No, but I already posted the pictures on Facebook."

Red screamed up to the heavens with one hand outstretched.

"Celebi! I've already spoken with you about it! So bring us… to that place!"

Celebi was busy taking pictures of the screaming Red with its handy-dandy camera phone, but quickly pocketed the phone in the back of its huge head. It began chirping like a frog, which definitely wasn't natural, and the scenery around them began to change…

And they were in an amusement park.

As they appeared conveniently behind some bushes, Red spotted a Ferris wheel. He did like Ferris wheels…

"Thank you, Celebi," Game Red said to the green Pokémon.

"W-whatever! It's not like I was doing you a favor or anything! Stupid Chihuahua! I'm leaving!"

Game Red didn't bother to give Celebi more than a wave as it disappeared into thin air again. He turned back to look ahead of them. "Anyways. We're in Nimbasa City right now."

Red and Ash stared. "Whutwhere?"

"Nimbasa City. Unova region. Are you guys _really_ not playing the latest games, or watching the latest episodes, or reading the latest manga chapters? Personally, I'm a fan of Pokémon RéBURST, but…"

Red and Ash continued staring.

"Anyyyywaaayys." Game Red reached into the Home Depot bag and pulled out something. "Right now, we're in the BW chapter of Pokémon Special."

"Um. It's Adventures," Red interrupted.

"I know. I'm more of a Japan freak, but whatever. Where was I?"

"BW chapter…?"

"Riiight. Okay. On the Ferris wheel right now is a boy named N and a girl named White."

Game Red loaded the object in his hands with nails. He looked over at Red and Ash. "We're gonna kill N. For making dear White cry."

"…With a nail gun?"

"Damn right. Get your guns on, boys! We have to wait for the precise moment…"

Red and Ash got out their own nail guns, and Red was secretly happy that he hadn't glued his dominate hand to his crotch. They all turned forwards, watching the Ferris wheel…

One of the doors to the Ferris wheel cars opened up, and a girl with black hair and - holy crap, those shorts. _Those shorts_. Oh god.

The girl shouted something as she jumped out. Red couldn't see her face, but she had a hand outstretched as she fell out of the car. She plummeted to the ground, and Red couldn't help but think that she was an idiot for jumping out of the car _of a freaking Ferris wheel_ in the first place.

"Move out, troops!" Game Red shouted, standing up and running out of the bushes. Ash followed him determinedly, and Red wondered where his would-be-husband's Pikachu was.

…Damn. It was hard to run with your hand stuck to your crotch.

"Up the Ferris wheel!" Game Red yelled. He grabbed onto one of the cars and started climbing up the Ferris wheel, which was physically impossible, but DAMN IT HE WAS RED AND HE LIVED ON MT. SILVER.

Ash followed him, breaking the laws of physics like Game Red. Which just left Red there on the ground. He couldn't climb up there with one hand glued to his crotch and the other holding a dangerous nail gun!

So he should just stand there and stare at that girl and her short shorts. A Pokémon had jumped out of the car after her; green and serpent-ish. Red didn't know what it was, but it was staring at him. Or maybe it was staring at one of his hands. Red couldn't tell which hand was being stared at. Either way, that girl looked like she'd been crying… but those shorts, how did any man not stare when she walked by? Even women would stare!

And back up on the Ferris wheel, both Game Red and Ash had found the car that the girl had jumped from. The two of them jumped in, where a green haired boy sat with a orange pig Pokémon on his lap.

"This!" Game Red held up the nail gun and pointed it at the boy. "Is for making dear White cry, damn it!"

He pulled the trigger, and a nail shot out. The boy managed to move his head at the right moment, and the nail shot into the window, cracking it.

"…"

"…"

"…Game Red, you missed."

"Shh, I know! I was having a dangerous staring contest with N, damn it! Okay! This time, this is for making White cry, damn it-"

N had gotten up from his seat and jumped out of the Ferris wheel.

Ash and Game Red stood there.

"Did he just…?"

"AFTER HIM!"

Red was busy staring at the girl's shorts when someone else jumped out of the Ferris wheel and landed on the ground with much more grace and ability than the girl had. The boy glanced at Red.

"RED! SHOOT HIM, DAMN IT!"

Gulping, Red held out the gun and shot at the green haired boy, who simply ran out of the way of the incoming nail. The boy continued running away from them, but Red was busy holding back a scream at the fact that the nail he'd just shot hit the girl. In the head. Oh, god. This was bad. Those shorts were suddenly really out of place…

Game Red and Ash jumped to the ground and the two of them took off after N. "Red, hurry up! We have to catch him!"

Red had been busy trying to remove the nail from the girl's head. He glanced at the serpent Pokémon, who was clearly staring at him with a smug expression. Or was that how it always looked?

"Um… okay, how 'bout you remove the rest of the nail?" Red suggested to the Pokémon and hopped up, running after his two counterparts.

The Pokémon watched Red and started chewing on the girl's arm.

They chased the green-haired boy throughout the city, screaming, "AIYAYAYAH!" because it was MANLY and fit the mood. Game Red was shooting nails at the boy and missing, hitting innocent passerby.

He _did_ almost catch that N boy, but missed and shot the pig Pokémon that sat on his shoulder. As they passed the motionless Pokémon, Ash grabbed it from the pavement and continued running. They could use it as food later.

And so began the chase of the century.

They ran so far and fast that they reached the ends of the world and started passing through multiple worlds from all over the place.

* * *

><p>"Hail fellow well met!" a girl with puffy multi-colored hair said, sitting in a funny looking container.<p>

The boy she was talking to looked taken aback. "Hail fellow well met…?"

The girl pointed. "What is that?"

The boy turned to find a green-haired boy running through the muddy area, passing by more strange looking containers. It might've been difficult to see in the rain that was falling, but he also spotted three other boys chasing after him, armed with nail guns.

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><p>The cherry blossoms fell from the trees, fluttering across the road like a steady rain. A boy with blue hair, dressed in a vaguely school-like uniform, had stopped by a girl who wore a similarly colored uniform.<p>

The girl nodded a couple of times. "…Anpan!"

The boy stared. "Huh?"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU SONOFABITCHHHH!"

The boy turned his attention away from the girl to find a boy charging past him. Following close behind were three more boys, nail guns in hand. The boy leading the three shot a nail at the green-haired boy who just passed by and missed.

"Do you like this school?" the girl asked, having completely ignored the four boys in funny outfits that just ran by.

* * *

><p>"Wow…" a girl with pink hair that framed her face said. "Almost didn't recognize you. We've both really grown, huh?"<p>

"If you say so!" a blonde-haired boy exclaimed. "You haven't changed at all!"

The girl seemed irritated about the boy's complete obliviousness, so she said, "Well, maybe you're just taller than I remember…"

And while the boy tried to see if he grown any taller, one of the walls alongside the road they were on burst. A boy ran on through, crossing the street and crashing into the other wall. They all stared just as someone shouted, "Naruto, big bro! Check it out!" and mysteriously transformed into a naked woman.

By then, Game Red, Ash, and Red had passed through the hole in the wall and continued their chase of the other boy. Red paused to stare at the naked woman. His hand was still on his crotch. "Ooh, that's-"

"Red, hurry up!" Ash yelled.

"Sorry…"

* * *

><p>A boy with red hair sat on a small flight of stairs, a long coat over his suit. He took out a black book and opened it up, taking out a pen and scribbling on one of the pictures of a girl in the book.<p>

"Take that!" he said, sticking out his tongue at the photo.

"HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA KEEP RUNNING? ACCEPT YOUR FATE, MOTHER FU-"

The boy glanced up, finding four boys running across the campus, up to a long flight of stairs ahead. He spotted a girl with short purple hair that fell over her eyes carefully heading down the steps. A large pile of books sat in her arms.

The four boys ran up the stairs, knocking the girl aside. She fell off the stairs, squealing as she began falling to the ground.

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><p>"Haruhi Suzumiya. From East Middle School. I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time travelers, sliders, or espers here, come join me. That is all."<p>

And while a class full of students stared at the girl with long black hair who'd just spoken, the class door burst open, and the green-haired boy ran through the classroom, jumping through one of the windows while covering his face with his arms.

"Wait, you!" another voice yelled. Three black-haired boys ran in after him, nail guns in their hands like they were actual guns. They ran to the broken window, climbing up and leaping out of it.

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><p>Running through the white passegeway, Red felt like he was going to die. They'd been chasing N for seemingly forever. He didn't realize that N had the ability to jump through worlds like this. He was very messy with it, though, leaving open portals behind. The three of them followed because Game Red had already tried shooting Red when he asked if they could take a break.<p>

Finally, N reached the end of the long portal, leaping out of the gaping hole. Red could see what appeared to be the inside of a castle.

They leapt as they left the portal, sure enough coming out into a castle. Another open portal was just ahead of them, but…

N was standing right there, a tall, white Pokémon standing beside him. Across from N stood a number of other children and a tall, black Pokémon, including a girl who looked just like that White girl from earlier.

"This is for Whiiiittteeee!" Game Red screamed, raising the nail gun at N and pulling the trigger. The nail lodged itself in the boy's head, blood spraying out unnaturally as he fell to the ground. Everyone else, Red included but not Ash, stood speechless.

Game Red was breathing heavily because he was out of shape, and standing up on the cold Mt. Silver had taken away both his previously awesome athletic abilities and made his breathing rusty. Wait, what?

"Well, that solves one of our problems!" one of the kids there in the room said. Red couldn't help but notice that he bore a terrible resemblance to Ruby, but his hair was naturally white. Shit yeah, man, that was awesome.

"Um, Game Red…" Red began and tapped his shoulder. He pointed at the still open portal that was ahead of them. "I think N just went in there."

"What? What're you talking about, I just killed N!"

Game Red looked down at the boy who lay in a bloody pool by his feet and noticed a totally different eye style from the N they were chasing.

"…Oh. Oops."

And then Game Red noticed the girl who looked like a doppelganger of White and gasped. He ran across the room to grab the girl's hands, ignoring the stairs he was getting from the other children.

"My dear White, you've recovered!"

"Uh, yeah? I guess…?"

His grip tightened on her hands and he stared into her chocolate brown eyes. "Would you like to go on a date with me, my dear White?"

"My name's Touko, but sure."

Holding each other's hands, Game Red and Touko walked out the room together. Game Red had found his one true love. He'd felt betrayed that Red had gone on to marry Ash, but he had moved on to not-White.

And they lived happily ever after.

"Um. What should we do about N?" one of the girls asked.

"Well, Danny, you caught Zekrom, and N's dead, so I guess we're done," the white-haired boy answered. "Let's go home now."

"Okay."

That boy left the room along with the blonde girl, a taller girl with brown hair, and a short girl with huge and completely impossible hair. Leaving Red, Ash, and two other boys behind. (A/N: Danny alredy put Zekrom bck in it's poke ball, O.K.?)

"So…" Red began and looked at the two boys who still stood there. "Do either of you want to oversee the end of our marriage ceremony? All we need is someone to witness it for it to be legal."

"Sure," one of the boys, who had a forehead that gleamed brighter than Blaine's head, answered.

And they lived happily ever after. The real N found Celebi, and because he was feeling rather hungry, cooked the creepy, tsundere, ribbiting Pokémon.

And then Arceus accidentally dropped the microwave he just bought. The microwave fell through the floor and crushed the real N's head in. Arceus cursed like a sailor and commissioned Mewtwo to fix the floor boards and get the microwave back.

And Arceus ate microwave Weight Watchers dinners and watched the Biggest Loser, followed by the Sex in the City movie. It made him cry because he was an emotional god. He proceeded to watch The Late Show with David Letterman, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and The Late Show with Jimmy Fallon at the same time because he was a god and he could do whatever he wanted. Then he went to bed.

The end.

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><p><em>Author's Notes<em>: Wait, so they managed to cross through the worlds of Gurren Lagann, Clannad, Naruto Shippuden, Negima, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, _and_ BW Tales (er, another one of my crappy stories...)? And Celebi acts like a typical tsundere girl because it was voiced by Rie Kugimiya in that Zorroark movie? And Red spends the entire story with his hand glued to his crotch? And there was no mention of his hand ever getting removed from it?

...

And Arceus watches shows from the USA? What the hell?

Yeeeaaaaahhhh.


End file.
